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The Smiling Dragonfly

Updated: Aug 8, 2019

I was sitting in the backyard of my parents' house, 8 1/2 months pregnant with our 2nd daughter. My husband, eldest daughter and I were visiting my folks, and on a business trip as well. Up until that point, we were planning on having the baby at home, in a birthing pool, as I had so desperately wanted with our first daughter. She gave us quite the adventure after 3 weeks of labor, ending with a C-section at the hospital. I had been severely traumatized by that experience, and wanted nothing more than to have a do-over, and prove to myself that I could birth a baby the old-fashioned way. So when the midwives called me that afternoon, and explained that they could not in good conscience assist me with a homebirth, due to a massive fibroid, I was devastated. I pleaded with them, explained that I felt like it would be ok, but the answer was just no. God's answer was just, "no."

As I sat crying on one of the many chairs that sit in my parents' backyard, with the ocean breeze blowing through, I went deeply into victim mode. How could this roadblock be preventing me from the one thing I've been wanting so badly for the last 6 years? I was usually so good at getting what I wanted. I was a good person. I devoted my life to helping others feel empowered, and there I was, feeling so small and weak, despite the giant belly that rested upon my lap. I already knew that the local hospital where I live did not allow V-BACs (vaginal birth after cesarean), and that the other hospitals were quite a drive away from our small rural town, so the sinking feeling that I would need to be cut open again started creeping its way into my consciousness, followed by another fit of sobs. I knew almost instantly after hanging up with the midwives that this would be my fate again, and there was nothing I could do. It suddenly became clear to me that another C-section was "written" though I didn't want to accept it.

At a certain point, I was so beside myself that the only thing I could think to do was hoist my pregnant ass up off the chair I was crying in, and make my way upstairs to lie down and take a nap. The sun had just set at this point, and my family was inside, allowing me a moment to myself after I received the somber news. I got up, with a bit of difficulty, and as I did, **thunk**! Something had just run into my forehead and went buzzing off. I whipped around to see what had just run into me, and there flying frantically in circles was a very large, iridescent green dragonfly. I watched as the dragonfly circled around me a few times, buzzing loudly, and then making its way for the French doors that led into my parents' beach house. We'll just assume that the dragonfly was a "he" because that's the vibe I got...So, he was over by the doors, and then began sort of ramming into them. I waddled over, my face red and puffy from crying, and said in a sniffly voice, "Don't do that, Dragonfly. You'll hurt yourself."

Just then, my brother came to open the door, not realizing that the dragonfly was right there, and when the door opened, the dragonfly flew inside.

"Watch out for the dragonfly! Don't kill it" I yelled.

My brother was taken aback when he finally noticed the larger-than-average and shimmery green dragonfly buzzing on the tile beside him, and stepped back. I quickly went inside, put my finger out, and the dragonfly climbed on. I carefully walked him outside, and attempted to put him down on the barbeque. But he refused to get off of my finger. I looked at him closely, and peered into his large green eyes, asking nicely for him to hop off of my finger. He just sat there, and then began buzzing very loudly; so much that he vibrated my whole hand. At that point, my husband was outside watching this, followed by our eldest daughter, both very amused by this dragonfly's display. After about a minute of hypnotizing buzzing, the dragonfly flew off of my finger and down the side yard. I couldn't quite figure it out, but this moment held that dream-like lucidity that so many other spiritually significant moments in my life so often had.

I went inside and sat down on the couch, and my daughter followed, sitting beside my. We heard a thumping sound and looked behind us. Ramming the screen and window right behind us was the same very determined dragonfly. We opened the window, and he was buzzing very loudly, trying with all his might to come inside through the screen. My daughter and I laughed and looked at each other in amazement. After another minute of this, I realized how tired I was, so I went upstairs into my parents' guest room to take a nap, while my daughter played with her Daddy. My parents had gone up to bed themselves to snuggle up and watch a movie, and my brother had gone out.

I awakened about an hour and a half later, feeling groggy, and of course, hungry. I came back downstairs to find my daughter and hubby outside playing, and asked my little one to come and snuggle me on the couch, while noticing a moment later that the dragonfly was STILL THERE, buzzing frantically, and ramming the screen over the window. My daughter came in and I heard my husband say from the backyard, "that dragonfly has been there this WHOLE time."

My daughter and I watched the dragonfly, giggling to each other. Then the dragonfly stopped buzzing and ramming, and simply landed on the screen. My daughter and I moved our faces over to his green, shiny body, observing him closely. Just then, I looked up at the dragonfly's face, and I shit you not, that dragonfly SMILED at me and waved one of its little legs closest to his face as though to say "hello".

My heart nearly jumped out of my chest, and a moment later my daughter yelled, "Did that dragonfly just SMILE and WAVE at you?!?!"

Shocked and confused, we just burst out laughing, because neither of us (or anyone else we've ever met) had seen a dragonfly behave like a little person. I didn't even realize that the dragonfly was capable of curving its mouth like that. We told my husband, and of course he was shocked as well.

Moments later, the dragonfly started buzzing frantically again, and ramming the screen. I went outside to try and connect with him more, but he seemed more interested in trying to get inside. So I went back inside and just sat, watching him with my daughter, and trying to compute what we had just seen. After a while, I had snacked myself into a near food coma, my daughter was getting tired, and I decided to take her up to bed. Mr. Dragonfly was still on the screen at that point, intermittently relaxing, ramming, and buzzing. When we got up to go to bed, we brought our faces close to the screen again to say "good night" and the dragonfly waved AGAIN, with his other leg closest to his face! My daughter and I just laughed and went up to bed, both overwhelmed by the unexpected joy of these moments.

I thought about this a lot over the following days, and can't help but wonder what it all meant. I have had connections to dragonflies before, but NEVER like this. I thought briefly about the stories I've heard about how dragonflies are messengers from the land of Faery. And I thought about how God uses animals and plants to deliver messages as well. I thought about the symbolism around dragonflies; breaking through illusions, magick, interdimensional travel, etc... And the only thing that I can conclude is that whatever the meaning behind this smiling dragonfly, it was a welcomed and magickal distraction from the news I had just received, and a comforting reminder that no matter what arises in my life, and no matter how seemingly unpleasant, there's always something to be in awe of. It reminded me that I am seen and heard by the Divine, and I am exactly where I am meant to be...

Feel free to let me know what you think about this experience in the comments below, and I want to hear about your magickal animal experiences as well! Blessed be!

Artwork By: Kelly Hoerning

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